


Hurt for me

by palacegate



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-10 04:17:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14729802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palacegate/pseuds/palacegate
Summary: By day Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers are best friends and roomates.By night Captain America and The Winter Soldier are vigilantes and a thorn in the other’s side.—Based on that prompt where the characters live together, but their superhero alter egos do not get on.





	1. Can’t stop

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh thank you so much for reading. I hope everything’s well written, in character etc etc. And constructive criticism is welcome! I’ve got a few ideas of where I’m going to take the story, but I’m not 100%. I hope you stick with it!!

Okay so Bucky knew Captain America was hot. Anybody with a pair of eyes could appreciate that, but nothing about the Captain’s physique would change the fact that Bucky was pissed.

“The fuck was that?” Bucky snarled, fuming beyond belief.

Bucky had caught sight of some guy, down a back alley, a barely conscious girl flung over his shoulder. It wasn’t hard to guess what the dude was about to do.

So Bucky had hopped down from his spot on the roof of a building, to heroically save the girl. (Detect the sarcasm? He knew he wasn’t a hero, just a jerk with a metal arm, who got bored in the evenings.) 

He’d beaten the man till he was certain he wasn’t moving, then carried the girl to the nearest public place, and told someone to keep an eye on her. 

He went back the the alley. He should have left it, he knew. But he had a thing for justice, and a freaking metal arm.

The guy was on his feet by the time he got back, leaning on the wall for support, slowly pulling himself out of the alley.

“Oh no you don’t.” Bucky muttered, grabbing him by his collar, pushing him against the wall. 

This would be the time when any normal superhero, vigilante, whatever, would dramatically tell the dick what he had done was shit, give him a lecture about respecting women, tell him to change his ways. But Bucky was never good with words, not after serving at least. 

Plus it bears repeating. He had a metal arm. Who needs words when you have metal arm? 

So he socked the guy right in the stomach. He grunted, collapsed to the floor in a heap. 

“Stop-“ He croaked, some blood dripping out of his mouth.

If he could still talk, he hadn’t learnt his lesson. 

Bucky reared his left arm back, readying the final blow, when a heavy weight, launching at some speed, hit him right in the jaw. 

His head snapped back with the force, body flying with it. The thwack of the contact echoed through the alley, the dull thud of his body hitting the concrete, sending pain shooting through his back. 

There was blood in his mouth, he could taste it. He rolled onto his side, spitting out what he could, then heaved himself into a standing position, groaning slightly. 

Of course Captain America would turn up. The guy was gone and the Captain was stood tall, his shield in his hand, mask covering his eyes. 

“C’mon Cap? What are you playing at?” Bucky’s voice rose. He’d had the guy. One more punch, just to teach him a lesson, then he would’ve dragged him down to the precinct, just like he was supposed to. 

“You know how it is, Soldier. We catch the bad guys, leave the rest to the authorities.” The captain said, completely calm. 

He probably wanted to say more, but he knew what a time bomb Bucky was. One wrong word and they’d be brawling in the street. The press would have a field day with it. They had last time, Brooklyn’s biggest heroes fight in open view. Is our city really safe if those sworn to protect us can’t get along?

Captain America was different to Bucky. He was official. He had links to the police department, and therefore had more explicit permission to act. It also meant he had no say in what happened to those he caught, couldn’t rough them up a bit. But Bucky could. And he would continue to do so. 

“That’s how it works for you. Not me.” Bucky narrowed his eyes.

“When we start treating people like that, we become no better than them.” The Captain accused. 

And Bucky saw red. Was Captain America really comparing him to the very people they worked to stop? Okay maybe Bucky went a bit far some times, but never too far. 

That’s when Bucky realised he hadn’t got to use his metal arm all night. It was a good a time as any he supposed.

———————

Bucky made it out of the fight virtually unharmed. He had a feeling the Captain wasn’t giving it his all, probably didn’t want to be too much like those he worked to stop. 

The nerve of comparing Bucky to them. The nerve.

Bucky returned to his flat, a few bruises beginning to form along his ribs. It was nothing that wouldn’t go away in a couple of days.

Bucky had shed his uniform (and the arm) on the way home. He knew Steve was supposed to be out tonight, but he still didn’t want to run the risk of being caught. 

He unlocked the door, noticing Steve’s shoes kicked off by the entrance.

“Steve! You home?” Bucky called through the flat. He got nothing back but a series of thumps and shuffling. 

“Stevie?” Bucky shouted again, walking into the lounge. 

“Yeah! Just- one sec Buck. Gimme a- oh shit- just a sec!” Steve shouted back, panicked, from his room. There were more thumps and clashes as Steve spoke, and they continued after. 

“Steve? You alright, punk?” Bucky enquired, standing outside his door. 

“Yeah, yeah! Just don’t come in, I’ll be out in a sec.” Steve rushed out. 

“Okay, I’ll be watching tv.” Bucky said, walking away. 

Was he curious as to what the heck was going on in Steve’s room? Of course he was, but he also respected his friend’s privacy, even if he got a bit nosey sometimes. 

Bucky flicked on the tv, leaving whatever was playing on, absently watching while waiting for Steve to come out of his room.

It didn’t take long for Steve to emerge. His hair was messed up, his white shirt clinging to his body, purple showing through the material. 

“What the fuck, steve?” 

As he got closer, Bucky noticed a large cut down the side of Steve’s face, still pouring with blood.

“Got into a scrap.” Steve sighed, sitting next to Bucky, wincing as he went.

“What was it about this time?” Bucky asked, moving closer to examine Steve’s cut. 

Steve seemed to short out, mouth agape like a fish. “Uhh...” was all that came out. 

Bucky raised his eyebrows expectantly, waiting for an answer. 

“Dunno, just got jumped.” Steve shrugged, blatantly lying, but Bucky let it drop.

He nodded and stood. “I’m getting the first aid kit, that needs cleaning.” He said, pointing to the cut. Steve just nodded.

Bucky returned, sitting right up close to steve. He wiped away the dried blood, and cleaned the cut with an alcohol wipe. 

As he was doing so, Steve was looking down on him through his lashes, smiling softly as if this was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him. (It wasn’t. This had happened numerous times, with worse injuries and Steve gave him the same look every time.) 

It’s looks like those that make Bucky think of how easy it would be to just lean in and kiss Steve Rogers. The amount of times Bucky had imagined what kind of kisser Steve would be was insane. Definitely not something best friends should be thinking about.

Because that’s all they were. Best friends. But sometimes Steve would look at him a certain way and Bucky would almost snap. But then he’d remember how very straight Steve was. How very out of bounds he was. 

“What?” Bucky snorted as Steve kept staring at him, a look of admiration on his face.

Steve snorted. “Just thinking about what a great nurse you’d make.” 

“Fuck off, Stevie.” Bucky said rolling his eyes.

“We really need to work on your bedside manner though, if that’s the tone you’re going to acquire with your patients.” Steve said, chuckling.

“Right, that’s it. I’m done cleaning you up. If you get an infection it’s your fault.” 

In all honesty, Bucky had probably finished cleaning the cut a good chunk of time ago, but the way Steve was looking at him, he just wanted a reason to keep him looking at him like that. 

“You’re such a great nurse Buck.” Steve said, snorting again. 

“Watch it.” Bucking warned, giving him a light shove to the chest. Steve winced.

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “You good?” 

“Yeah.” Steve nodded. “They got a couple of blows in around my ribs, they’ll be fine soon.”

Bucky smiled weakly. “If you say so.” 

“I say so.” 

“You gonna be fit enough to do my hair stevie?” Bucky teased.

“Still don’t get why you can’t just do it yourself.” Steve rolled his eyes, but repositioned himself to be behind Bucky, only wincing slightly as he moved.

“I have one arm.” Bucky deadpanned.

So he technically had two. But there was no way he was using Stark’s metal arm in his day to day life. For one, it’d become obvious he was the winter soldier. He also didn’t struggle much to live with only one arm. He had Steve’s help with those things he couldn’t do on his own, and had adjusted pretty well to everything else. The prosthetic wasn’t necessary, and after a while, Bucky stopped wishing he had an arm, and instead came to terms with the cards he’d been dealt. 

“Oh yeah, that.” Steve grinned.

Then Steve’s fingers were in his hair, and Bucky leaned into the touch.


	2. No one’s here to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh the responses to this have been so great! So kind, that I decided to put out another chapter today. It’s not like I have my physics GCSE or anything tomorrow pfttt.,

Steve was going to be out of action for a few days. The damn Winter Soldier had rendered him battered and bruised. 

He knew he could’ve given the Winter Soldier just as much as Steve had received, but that would make him a hypocrite, right? 

Steve was supposed to believe that those they worked to stop weren’t his responsibility to teach a lesson.

He didn’t actually believe that, he was often tempted to rough them up a bit himself, but he valued his position too much. 

Luckily, it wasn’t a wide known fact, but Steve, more specifically, the Captain, had been known to give criminals a taste of their own medicine from time to time. But that was before he made a deal with the authorities. He could continue to operate, as long as he complied with their regulations. 

He could basically keep going as he was, but with less violence and the force took the credit. 

He didn’t hate The Winter Soldier’s methods as much as he let on. But they had a long standing rivalry due to disputes over territory and operation boundaries when they first started. 

The competition between them didn’t stop after Steve’s deal with the authorities either. The Winter Soldier didn’t know, but Steve’s higher-ups had developed a problem with his methods. Steve didn’t want the Winter Soldier to stop operating. Brooklyn was a large area, and despite their previous arguments, there was room enough for the two of them to work. God knows Brooklyn needed the help.

So Steve remained purely on the defensive. It’d been a while since he and the soldier had actually physically fought. For some reason, over that period, the Soldiers techniques and patterns had changed, allowing him to get in blow after blow. God damn. 

Steve had limped home. Bucky was out. He was always out nowadays, hooking up with whatever girl or guy who had looked at him the right kind of way that day. 

God was he jealous. At first he supposed it was of Bucky’s sex life. He got so much more action than Steve did, even after Steve had bulked up while Bucky was away serving. He had come home a limb short, but still had just as much game as ever, if not more. 

It took a clip round the ear from Sam to make him realise who he was actually jealous of. 

Steve Rogers’ great Bisexual Crisis of 2016 lasted approximately two days before Steve Rogers’ great ‘I’m in love with my best friend’ Crisis hit him full throttle. 

So Steve walked up to his apartment, the Captain America get up on display for anyone to see. Miraculously, no one in his building seemed to be around. 

He stumbled inside, kicking his shoes off as he went, Bucky always got pissed when Steve didn’t take his shoes off, then collapsed onto the couch. 

He had a blissful ten seconds of relaxation before he heard Bucky’s voice echo through the apartment. 

“Steve?” 

Well fuck. Bucky could not see Steve like this, bloody and bruised in his captain America disguise, it’d be years worth of secrecy down the drain. 

Steve stumbled into his room, quickly changing into anything more appropriate in sight, reassuring Bucky he was on his way out, while trying (and failing) to not get tangled in the Captain America uniform. 

He went out a few minutes later, finding Bucky lounging on the couch. 

After surviving a grilling about his injuries, and successfully avoiding doing something stupid like kissing his best friend, Steve found himself doing Bucky’s hair.

Whenever Bucky asked for Steve to do his hair, he’d always act as though he’d rather not, half joking, half not.

It was nice to be so close to Bucky, hearing the small whimpers of contentment slip from his mouth at the soothing feeling of Steve’s fingers.

But it was far too easy to imagine that his fingers were tangled in Bucky’s hair for different reasons, completely different reasons. Tugging, pulling, drawing those noises out of Bucky in a completely different way. 

But that was a dangerous thought when Bucky’s back was against Steve’s chest, his crotch. A very dangerous thought.

When Steve had finished braiding Bucky’s hair into something which mildly resembled a French plait, Bucky stood, yawning. 

“Bed for me I think.” He stretched, revealing a strip of pale where his shirt lifted. Steve also caught sight of skin mottled with purple, causing him to frown, but he thought it better not to ask. 

Steve nodded, exhausted. “Me too.”

Bucky pointed at Steve “pain killers first, punk. You need them.” 

Steve agreed, he had no effort to argue with Bucky, he was tired and sore, and overall just shitty. 

———-

Steve was definitely going to be out of action for a while. He woke up, pain all through his torso, despite the pain killers he’d taken before going to sleep. 

He took the weekend as an opportunity not to move. He deserved it, he was in pain. The Winter Soldier could deal with the weekend rush of petty crime alone for once. 

He had no idea what Bucky did all day, as Steve never left his room apart from to get more pain killers, food, or for the toilet, but he came into his room in the early evening telling him he was going out and not to wait up. Bucky also gave him strict instructions not to move, but when had Steve ever followed instructions? 

Steve was worried about what Bucky was up to after spotting the bruising marking his skin, but didn’t want to prod. If something was going on, Bucky would tell him right? Hopefully.

Steve was going to do what Bucky said, not moving or going anywhere, he really was. But when he went to the kitchen to get another dose of pain killers, he found the box empty and decided that he couldn’t wait for the next day for more. The Winter Soldier had really done a number on him. 

So Steve pulled on some clothes, grabbed his keys and set out to the pharmacy. 

———

Steve had bought his pain killers and was less than five minutes from home when he heard shouting coming from behind a building on the route to his building. 

Steve must’ve had a death wish, because he couldn’t help but follow the heavy voices, even in his state. 

There was a small kid, he looked about fifteen, being crowded into a wall by three guys at least twice his size. 

“Hey!” Steve shouted, clutching his side, the exertion of the walking beginning to take a toll. “Leave the kid alone!” 

At once, three heads whipped around to look at him, glaring at Steve’s audacity to tell them what to do. 

“Or what? You gonna save him?” One of them sneered, pushing away from the wall. 

Steve was in no state to fight. He didn’t have his shield, and physically he was weak due to his injuries. But he was prepared to take whatever he had to to help the kid. 

But all he could think about was how annoyed Bucky would be. 

Steve held his head high. “Yeah. I am.” He looked the meat head straight in the eye, knowing he was going to get punched. 

And he did. He was sent crumbling to the floor, the force of the hit sending him down in his weak state. The man’s hits were nothing compared to those of the winter soldier, but were enough to draw groans out of Steve. He managed to block a few of the punches, but despite his effort couldn’t get any of his own in. 

But then the punches stopped. Steve looked up and saw the man dangling from a very metal looking arm. 

It was the Winter Soldier. The Winter Soldier was saving him. There had to be irony in there somewhere.

The Winter Soldier dropped the guy and glared at him on the floor.

“Get out of here.” He growled, and the meat head scrambled away. 

Okay that was hot. 

And Steve’s pain must be making him delirious, because he just called the Winter Soldier hot. 

Steve then noticed that everyone else present had left, it was just him and the Winter Soldier, behind a building. God, Steve was in for it.

Would he even recognise Steve like this? Or just see him as a normal civilian? Steve didn’t know which he’d prefer. 

The Winter Soldier crouched down besides Steve, hand coming up to cup his chin and examine his injuries. Steve’s breath caught in his throat. The Winter Soldier was being nice. The fact that he was capable of anything other than snark and bitterness was a shock to Steve. 

There was a twinkle in his eyes, which wasn’t normally there. It was weird seeing this side of his rival.

“You’ll survive.” He grunted. “Can you walk?” 

Steve nodded, pushing himself to his feet with limited help. 

“So, you come here often?” Steve asked. Then kicked himself mentally. He was definitely delirious, there’s no way he’d flirt with the Winter Soldier in his right mind. And if he was to flirt, he’d definitely have better lines than that. 

The Winter Soldier just snorted. “Head home Steve. I’ll see you around.” 

It was only when he got back to his apartment that he noticed he never told the Winter Soldier his name.


	3. Where’s my love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is dense. Captain America and the Winter Soldier have an actual conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters in two days?? Who AM I? I hope you like it! Also if anybody was wondering how I pick my chapter titles, I literally go into my Spotify playlists and chose a random song, so it’s not that deep. (10/10 would recommend listening though!) 
> 
> Also thank you all for the lovely comments! They’re so motivating and I really appreciate it! 
> 
> If any of you would like to send me prompts or idea for what to write when I finish this, feel free. I need all the inspiration I can get rn! 
> 
> Happy reading!

Bucky was confused as anything when Steve started flirting with him. 

Okay, so maybe Steve was flirting with the Winter Soldier, oblivious to the fact that he was actually Bucky, but that was just a minor detail. 

And maybe Steve wasn’t flirting at all. Maybe he was just joking. It was a pretty shitty pick up line, especially under the circumstances, he couldn’t have been serious. 

And if that wasn’t bad enough, Bucky couldn’t even yell at Steve for leaving the apartment. He wasn’t supposed to know. 

So when Bucky returned later that night to Steve on the couch, looking like he was in more pain than before, he had to grind his teeth and tense every muscle in his body to stop himself from shouting at Steve for being such a righteous idiot.

Steve just gave him a soft smile as he entered the lounge, and Bucky didn’t feel like shouting anymore. Goddamnit, he was a goner.

“Where have you been?” Steve asked. He never normally asked, but Bucky didn’t mind answering. He always had a cover prepared, just in case.

“Nat’s.” Bucky replied.

Nat knew Bucky was the Winter Soldier. She was the only one. She helped train him back up, get used to the new centre of gravity with and without the metal arm. He owed a lot to her. He knew she’d go along with his lies if he ever needed it. 

Steve just hummed in acknowledgement, before standing and saying he was heading off to bed. He was wincing and flinching still and Bucky was worried. He couldn’t ask though, couldn’t let Steve know that he knew he’d left the apartment. 

———-

Bucky decided to spend the next day in the apartment, helping Steve get better. 

Steve kept up the jokes about Bucky’s future nursing career and his amazing bedside manner, and Bucky poked him in response, in places he was certain weren’t sore, of course.

As expected, Steve fully milked his injuries for all they were worth, getting Bucky to clean the apartment and cook dinner. Bucky didn’t mind though, he didn’t think he’d ever protest anything steve asked him to do. He was a sap. 

Later that day, in the evening, they sprawled onto the couch, ready to relax.

Bucky grabbed the remote, flicking on the tv, turning to the movie channel, picking some crappy superhero movie that he knew Steve would be into. In all fairness, Bucky never paid attention anyway. Not on days like these, when Steve placed his head in Bucky’s lap, looking for affection like a damn puppy. Steve was too big for this position to be comfortable for either of them, but Bucky wasn’t about to complain. 

“Can I ask you something?” Steve asked, out of nowhere. 

Oh no. This wasn’t good. There was no good continuation to that question. Steve had definitely either figured out he was the Winter Soldier or that he was desperately in love with his best friend. Either would result in catastrophic consequences.

“Do you know who the Winter Soldier is?” 

And there it was. Steve knew he was the Winter Soldier, he had to. He was just testing the waters. Steve was rarely the kind of person to directly say what he meant. 

“It’s just, I met him last night. He called me Steve, but I never told him my name.” 

How could Bucky have been so stupid? He was an actual idiot. Of course Steve figured it out. How many long haired, blue eyed amputees did Steve know? It had already been obvious from the start that Bucky was the Winter Soldier. He guessed it was only a matter of time until he got caught out. 

“I have no idea who it could be. No matter how much I think about it.” 

What? Was Steve joking? How had he not figured it out? Of course Steve would be too dense to put it together. He never could see what was staring him right in the face. 

“No clue, Stevie.” Bucky shrugged. 

“Hmm, it’s odd right?” 

“Yeah, very odd.” Bucky nodded in agreement. 

Steve just grunted in response and turned back to the tv. Then Bucky remembered-

“What do you mean you met the Winter Soldier last night, punk?” 

And he’d caught Steve out, thank God he was getting the opportunity to chew him out for leaving the apartment in his state. 

“I- um, ran out of pain killers.” Steve stuttered.

“You little shit, I told you not to go out!” Bucky said, affectionately flicking Steve in the ear. 

“I know but I was in pain.” Steve rolled his eyes. 

“As long as you’re okay, pal.”

“Yeah Buck, I’m good.” And Steve closed his eyes.

———

Steve was insisting on going out the next night. Bucky knew it was pointless telling him not to. No matter how much he tried, Steve wouldn’t let Bucky baby him. 

Bucky was going out as the Winter Soldier anyway, he could look out for Steve if he needed to. 

It was a surprise Bucky managed to spend any time with Steve anymore, it felt like he spent half of his life as his alter ego. 

Bucky had taken in a couple of petty thieves when the streets seemed to go quiet, no one to stop, no one to catch.

He sat on the edge of a building, high up somewhere, with a nice view. He rarely got to take breaks. 

There was a cough behind him. Bucky turned his head round so fast he thought he’d get whiplash. 

It was Captain America, because of course it was. 

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Here to push me off?” 

The Captain snorted, getting closer. “No, just needed a break.” 

He sat besides Bucky, looking out over the streets. 

“And of all the places in Brooklyn, you come to this one spot?” Bucky complained. 

“I don’t think you’re as bad as you want me to think.” The Captain observed.

“Who said I was bad? I’m pretty damn awesome.” Himself and Captain America hated each other. That was the way it was supposed to be. It was written in nature. 

“Sure you are.” Steve said looking up to the sky. 

There was a lull in conversation, a beat.

“Is it bad for me to think that under different circumstances we would’ve fucked?” Bucky smirked. 

Okay so he said it partially because it was true, but mainly because the Captain was being nice to him. That was new. He wanted to see how far he could push it. 

He began spluttering. Because of course he did. He was Captain America. He represented everything good and pure and mentions of sex didn’t fall into that category. 

“Don’t take it too personal, Cap. I get around. I just meant if we didn’t hate each other.” 

It wasn’t a complete lie. Bucky did get around. Much less so than he used to. He felt guilty every time, Steve’s face flashing through his mind. Even though they weren’t together, he couldn’t help feeling like he was doing something wrong. Fucking feelings.

“You hate me?” Captain America asked, looking slightly hurt.

The eyes he was making at him significantly reminded him of Steve’s kicked puppy face. It definitely was not a good time to be thinking about Steve.

“Of course. And you hate me. It’s how it is.” Bucky shrugged.

“Does that have to be the way it is?” 

That caught Bucky off guard. He never thought about the potential of him and the captain actually getting on. 

“Yeah, Cap. It does.” He sighed. 

“Why?” 

Bucky was going to struggle answering if Captain America kept hurling questions at him. 

“Dunno pal. Just does.” He grinned. “Anyway, duty calls.” 

And Bucky jumped off the building, to the balcony below.


	4. The broken hearts club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m actually procrastinating so hard. But when it’s a choice between stucky and Macbeth, I know what I’d rather be doing. Anyway, maths actually went okay, I think. So my procrastination yesterday didn’t have a terrible effect. Also please please listen to the song that the chapter title takes its name from. It’s by Gnash and it’s so good!

Steve was well and truly in shock. The Winter Soldier was something else, he was sure. 

Of course Steve was a blubbering idiot when the Winter Soldier said what he had. It was only a couple of days ago that he’d realised the guy was hot.

He was also mildly nice, still maintaining his usual air of hostility, but he actually smiled at Steve. It was a step in the right direction. Maybe one day they could even help each other out. 

—— 

Over the course of the next week, Steve didn’t see the Winter Soldier at all. He noticed himself paying extra attention to his surroundings, just in case he turned up. 

He just wanted to prove to himself that them getting on wasn’t just a one off.

He hoped that the Winter Soldier didn’t actually hate him like he said. It sure as hell didn’t seem like he did. 

He hoped that the Winter Soldier felt the same as him. That they didn’t hate each other, it’s just they disliked each other’s methods, and only by extension, each other. 

And maybe, just maybe, he wanted to know if they could ever fall into those alternate circumstances where they hooked up. 

He’d never thought about it before, but the Winter Soldier had planted the idea in his head, and he couldn’t get it out. 

The fact that the Winter Soldier and Bucky shared some physical similarities didn’t help either. 

Steve was planning on having a quiet night in. It’d been a while since he and Bucky had got to hang out without Steve’s injuries getting in the way. He was mostly healed by now though, thankfully. 

Bucky was in the kitchen, making microwave popcorn, when Sam called. 

Sam bypassed a greeting completely, launching straight into what he had to say. 

“Me and Clint have decided that we’ve had enough of you pining after Bucky. If you’re not going to do something about it, it’s time you moved on. You’ve got a date in two hours, I’ll text you where to meet her.” 

Steve didn’t know what to respond to first, settling with. “Hi to you too, Sam.” Then after consideration. “I’m not pining after Bucky.” 

Sam snorted from the other side of the phone, laughing out a “sure.”

Steve sighed. Maybe it was time for him to get back out there. He’d been caught up on Bucky for two years and hadn’t had a serious relationship since before then. 

Maybe he was pining.

Okay he was definitely pining. 

“Okay. I’ll be there.” Steve huffed.

“Good.” Same said, hanging up.

Bucky walked back into the room that moment, two bowls of popcorn in hand.

“I’ve got a date tonight.” Steve rushed out. He was so focused on getting over Bucky, he forgot to consider the fact that they’d decided to stay in. He felt like a dick.

“Oh.” Bucky’s hands faltered, spilling some of the popcorn on the floor. “I’ll just movie marathon alone, that’s fine. More popcorn for me.” 

Bucky smiled half heartedly. God, Steve really felt like a dick.

He just nodded. “I’m going to-“ he pointed to his bedroom door. “Just get ready.” 

Bucky didn’t bother replying, just settled on the couch. 

Steve sighed when he got into his room. Bucky didn’t seem jealous at all. When he realised Bucky didn’t seem to care past the fact he was getting ditched, Steve realised he had ulterior motives; to make Bucky jealous. 

Now he really felt like a dick for messing around whoever it was he was being set up with. He knew that whatever he felt for them could never compare to what he felt for Bucky. He was too far gone. 

———-

The date was in a nice restaurant, whoever he was meeting had picked it apparently. He got there ten minutes early and ordered a drink, trying to squash his nerves. He had no idea how it was going to go, he didn’t really even know how he wanted it to go. 

Then a tall blonde with a confident smile stood in front of him. “Steve?” 

“That’s me. I’m sorry, Sam never told me your name?” Maybe this could work. The woman was pretty, a commanding air around her. He liked that. 

“Sharon.” She smiled, sitting down across from him. Steve pulled out her chair, of course. 

They made small talk for a while, learning things about each other. Sharon told him about her executive position in some big company, and how she enjoyed visiting art exhibitions in her free time. 

She should be the kind of girl Steve would be into, but he couldn’t get Bucky out of his head, no matter how hard he tried. 

They’d almost finished their main course when Sharon said “I can see your heart’s not in this.” 

Steve just blinked at her, unsure as to if he should deny it, or just apologise.

She shook her head, laughing slightly. “It’s okay. I know you’re thinking about someone else. I don’t know you well enough to feel jealous.”

Steve breathed a sigh of relief. “Sorry.” 

“Don’t be. Just maybe tell whoever it is. Either it goes well, or you get to move on.” She looked at him pointedly. “Don’t wait until it’s too late.” 

“It’s easy to say that, actually doing it is a different board game.” Steve rubbed his hand over his face. “There’s just too much to risk.” 

“Cheers to that.” 

His phone chose that moment to ping with a text from the precinct. A text, with an address, telling him to be there ASAP. He rolled his eyes. 

“I’m really sorry. Something’s come up. Is it okay if I-“ he pointed his thumb towards the door. 

“Making your excuses?” Sharon smirked.

“No- I just-“ 

Sharon interrupted. “I’m joking. Of course it’s okay.” 

Steve thanked her, grabbing his jacket, throwing down a wad of cash to cover the meal.

“See you around!” He tossed over his shoulder as he fled the restaurant.

Maybe she had a point. Maybe he should tell Bucky how he felt.

———-

Luckily Steve left his disguise behind a dumpster the last time he went out, so he didn’t have to rush to his apartment to pick it up. He was at the location in less than five minutes.

As he was nearing, he could tell it was a bar. There was music streaming onto the streets, the smell of sweat and alcohol beginning to flood his nose. 

The closer he got, he began to hear yelling. 

“I’ve got one arm and I could still tear you to shreds!” A deep voice was yelling. 

He rounded the corner, and there was Bucky in some kind of stand off with a man who towered at least half a foot above him. 

A drunk Bucky was never good news. He had a reputation for being unpredictable. It’s why Bucky rarely drank. 

Steve didn’t hesitate in shoving the other guy out of his way, wrapping his arm under Bucky’s shoulders, pulling him away. 

“Let’s get you out of here before you do anything stupid.”

“Aye, aye, Cap.” Bucky grinned. 

——-

He found an empty bench along a deserted street somewhere, setting Bucky down next to him. 

He remained silent to let Bucky talk first if he needed to, But when he didn’t, Steve stepped in. 

“What was that about?”

Bucky shrugged. “Dunno. Think I was just picking fights for the sake of it.” 

“Why?” 

“Rough day.” Bucky tipped his head back, looking up to the sky, pointedly avoiding looking at Steve. 

“What happened?” Steve asked, testing the waters, putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. 

“You’re real nosey aren’t you?” He said, pointing a glare towards Steve.

Bucky wasn’t usually this hostile towards strangers, towards anyone really. It must be the alcohol. 

Steve didn’t know what to say. Bucky clearly had something going on that he didn’t want to talk to Steve about. Maybe it was wrong for him to try and pry for details while Bucky didn’t know who he was, but he just wanted to look out for his best friend. 

He stayed quiet, not wanting to push it too much. 

They stayed like that for a moment, not talking, not looking at each other, not really acknowledging each other’s presence. 

Then Bucky turned around. “Can I try something?” He looked Steve dead in the eye, and he wanted to flinch away from it. 

“Like what?”

And then Bucky’s hand was on the back of his neck, pulling him in and pressing their lips together. 

He tasted of tequila and smoke and Steve’s mind went blank after that because Bucky was kissing him. 

His best friend was kissing him. 

Steve placed his hand on Bucky’s jaw, reluctantly pulling away. He looked at Bucky. His lips were red and his eyes were wide. 

Bucky leaned in again. Steve placed his hand on Bucky’s chest, shaking his head. 

“You’re drunk.” He said. 

‘You’re my best friend.’ He thought.

“I can’t.” He said. 

‘I wouldn’t be able to stop.’ He thought. 

Bucky just gaped at him, nodding slowly. He stood up, stumbling ever so slightly. 

“See you around, Cap.” 

Steve felt like it would be wrong to go after him. After what had just happened. So he stayed on the bench. 

Bucky kissed him. His best friend had kissed him. 

Except he hadn’t really, had he? He’d kissed Captain America. Because that was the kind of guy he wanted.

Sure, Captain America was a part of him, but Steve was the part that he really wanted people to see. It’s why he kept everything so secretive. 

Bucky didn’t want a Steve. He wanted a Captain America. 

Suddenly the idea of telling Bucky how he felt became even more unappealing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I’m drawing on personal experience when it comes to being in love with a best friend? Hint hint, Bucky, drunken hookups don’t fix anything.


	5. Life lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkwardness ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank GOD I have a week off now and I’m not ruining my revision by writing. I had English Lit today, and literally the only Macbeth extract I knew was on it? I’m sO lucky. 
> 
> Anyway thank you all for your kind comments!

Bucky woke up with the worst hangover he’d probably ever had. 

That’s what he got for drinking more in one night than he had in the past six months put together. 

He hadn’t gone out with the intention of getting drunk. He just needed to get out of the apartment, to stop thinking about Steve on a date. He hoped his friend would be happy, he really did. He couldn’t help but be jealous though. 

But then one drink had turned into two, and two into three and, well, you get the picture. 

After that was blurry. Except, oh-

Oh no. 

He’d kissed Captain America. 

He groaned into his pillow. He was such an idiot. 

He was clearly thinking with his dick, not his brain. 

At least Captain America didn’t know who he was. He wouldn’t be able to go out as the Winter Soldier ever again. He’d well and truly humiliated himself. 

He stayed in bed, wallowing in his idiocy, until the smell of bacon drifted under the door. Steve was a saint. 

Bucky dragged himself into the kitchen, trying to avoid walking into any doors or walls. He was pretty sure he was still drunk. Which meant the full force of the hangover hadn’t kicked in yet. Shit.

“Morning,” Bucky mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“Morning. You sound rough.” Steve replied, not even bothering to turn away from the stove. 

“I feel it.” He said, trying to comb the bird’s nest that was his hair with his fingers. 

They remained in a slightly uncomfortable silence while Steve dished out the bacon. 

“How was your date?” Bucky asked, his mouth full.

He had to ask, even if he didn’t want to know. It was only polite. 

Steve shrugged. “Alright.” 

“Just alright?” 

“She was nice.” Steve nodded. He hadn’t made eye contact with Bucky all morning. Weird.

Bucky just hummed in reply, filling his mouth with more food. 

“I don’t think I’ll see her again.” Steve said hesitantly.

“Shame.” Bucky commented. 

Except it wasn’t really a shame. That had to have been the best news he’d had in a while.

“What did you get up to last night then? To get you into this state?” Steve quizzed. 

“I’m not in a state!” Bucky protested. 

He was a state. Both he and Steve knew it. Steve raised an eyebrow. Bucky ignored it. 

“I just went out with Nat. I lost track of what I was drinking.” He hadn’t been with Nat at all. He just didn’t want to deal with Steve’s scornful look if he knew Bucky had gone out alone.

Steve nodded. 

Bucky hesitated. He needed to tell someone he kissed Captain America. Get it off his chest. Even if he had to miss out parts of the story. (The part where he made the decision to kiss the Captain because Steve was on a date. Because maybe Bucky needed to move on. Even if that was through kissing someone he hated. Except hated was becoming a loose word at this point.) 

If he told Nat, she’d have a field day. He could see her smirk upon finding out and nope he was definitely not telling her. 

That left Steve. “I kissed captain America.” 

Steve began choking on his bacon. 

Bucky winced and then let Steve gawk at him like he’d grown a second head. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Bucky whined. 

“How did that happen?” Steve asked quietly. 

“I was drunk. He was nice.” He shrugged.

“And?” 

“And what?” Bucky questioned.

“How was it?” Steve looked awkward. Which was fair enough. It’s not everyday your best friend tells you he kissed Captain America. 

Bucky snorted. “I don’t know. I remember it happening, no details though.” 

Steve nodded, placing his dishes in the sink. “I’m going to go get ready. I’m meeting Sam. 

Bucky just nodded and let him go.

———

That night, Bucky made it his mission to avoid Captain America, no matter what. He’d say something stupid. He knew it. 

Which is obviously why Captain America fell into step besides him half an hour after he left his apartment. 

“Evening.” He said. 

And Bucky had no idea what to say. He’d kissed the guy the night before. Sure, the Captain didn’t know it was him, but that was irrelevant. 

That’s why Bucky didn’t say anything at all.

“Quiet night, huh?” 

“What do you want?” Bucky said, rolling his eyes. 

He shrugged. “Just bored, it’s slow tonight.” 

“Right.” He replied, picking up his pace. 

He heard a deep inhale behind him.

“You’re wrong, you know, about us hating each other. It doesn’t have to be how it is.” Captain America said, sounding slightly nervous. 

“It does.” Bucky insisted. Now more than ever.

“Why?”

Bucky stopped walking, turning to look at him. “I don’t know you. All I know is that you fuck up a bunch of my chases and give pacifistic speeches to try and guilt me into do what’s supposedly the right thing. I have enough reason to not like you.” He punctuated his sentences with prods at Captain America’s chest. 

“Maybe you should. Know me, I mean. Get to know me.” He stuttered. 

“Why would I do that?” Bucky growled. 

“If we don’t get on, then fine. But maybe we can come to an understanding at least.” 

Bucky hesitated, then nodded. “Okay.” 

That’s how Bucky found himself in a Starbucks, half an hour later, with captain America while they were both in full disguise. Luckily it was mostly empty.

They both got hot chocolates. 10pm was not the time for caffeine, no matter how fucked his sleep schedule was. 

“Why’d you start? Doing this I mean.” Captain America asked, taking a sip. 

Bucky shrugged. “My best friend. He uh- got himself into a lot of shit when we were younger. Liked to help those who couldn’t help themselves, he said. He still gets himself into a lot of shit to be fair.” 

Bucky remembered a week ago when Steve had come home, Black and blue, cuts and scrapes all over his body. He definitely got himself into a lot of shit still.

“Then I got this thing,” Bucky raised his metal arm. “And I could do something to help out the little guys, like he always had. Even though he was one of the little guys himself.”

Captain America huffed out a laugh. “He sounds special to you.” 

Bucky wrapped his hands around his mug. “Bit of an understatement, but yeah he is.” 

The Captain furrowed his brow in confusion and Bucky gave him a look that he hoped said ‘C’mon Cap, put it together.’

“Oh,” he breathed. 

“Yeah, oh.” Bucky said, looking into his drink.

“Been there done that.” Captain America said. “Although I should stay still doing that.” 

Bucky raised his eyebrows and he went red, shaking his head. 

“Not like that. I could only wish, but no. Definitely not like that.” The Captain rushed out.

Bucky laughed at his embarrassment, watching Captain America’s cheeks flush even more. 

His rejection from the previous night was starting to make sense now. 

“Maybe you should do something about it?” Bucky suggested.

Captain America shook his head. “I was considering it. I realised he’s interested in someone else. Or just interested in people who aren’t me.” He looked sad for a second and sighed. “What about you? Why don’t you do anything about it?” 

Bucky just laughed. “I’m not his type, if you catch my drift.” 

Steve was straight. That was never going to change. 

“Let’s just agree that being in love with your best friend sucks.” Captain America said, picking up his drink.

“Agreed.” 

They clinked mugs, taking a sip.

Maybe the whole being friends with Captain America thing wouldn’t be as bad as Bucky thought.


	6. In the middle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over half way through now! *hint hint* look out for the next chapter! Thanks for sticking with me!

Steve was shocked that he and the Winter Soldier actually managed to get on while he was Captain America. 

He guessed being pathetically in love with their best friends gave them something to bond over. 

Strangely enough, seeing the Winter Soldier’s eyes light up when talking about his inspiration behind what he did, gave him some kind of feeling.

What that meant he didn’t know.

Okay he had an idea, but he chose to ignore it on the grounds that it was a stupid idea. 

But then he also had to think about Bucky. It was pretty clear that Bucky wasn’t interested in Steve after he kissed Captain America, but if he knew they were the same person, would it change things? Or would Bucky be annoyed at Steve for keeping it from him? 

And he was going to tell him how he felt as well. He really was. Sharon had inspired him to suck it up and be honest with Bucky. Bucky wasn’t the kind of guy to stop being his friend over something like that, what was the worst that could happen? 

But knowing that he had no chance at all really put him off. 

He and the Winter Soldier had gone their separate ways last night with a hug.

A hug of all things. To be fair it was a bro hug with heavy claps on each others backs, but it was a hug nevertheless.

He felt like they were on their way to actually being friends. 

Maybe he could eventually find out who the Winter Soldier was.

He still hadn’t let go of the fact that the Winter soldier knew him in some way. 

He’d ran through all the possibilities in his mind, eventually crossing everyone off his list because either they had been busy at a time when the winter soldier was active, or they just straight up didn’t fit the bill.

It made his communication with the Winter Soldier a little bit difficult at times. 

Had Steve of thought that he was a complete stranger, Steve would not have hesitated to say ‘I’m in love with my best friend, Bucky Barnes. He has one arm and is absolutely beautiful.’ 

But instead he needed to be vague, because otherwise the Winter Soldier would know exactly who he was and that he was head over heels for Bucky. 

He didn’t know which would be worse.

—-

Steve woke up to a phone call from Sam. 

He answered groggily, rubbing his eyes. “what do you want?” 

“Okay so Sharon didn’t work out, but I think I’ve figured out where I’m going wrong.” Sam said, awfully cheerful for such an early time.

Steve groaned. “No more dates, Sam.”

“But he’s a really good guy! When I told him about you, he said he knows exactly where to take you.” Sam argued. “Give him a chance, Steve. If it doesn’t work out with this guy, it won’t work out with anyone.” 

Steve buried his head in his pillows. He was still in love with Bucky. That hadn’t changed and he doubted it ever would. But now he knew he stood even less of a chance. And Sam seemed pretty convinced that this guy was perfect for him. It was worth a shot. If it didn’t work, he’d give up on relationships and dating. Simple. 

Half an hour later he left his room, already dressed in jeans and a casual t-shirt, per Sams request.

‘Don’t dress up too much.’ He’d said. ‘It’s a casual thing, he’s a simple guy.’

Bucky was sat at their kitchen table, pouring himself a bowl of cereal. “Hey, pal. So I was thinking: you, me and Coney Island. How’s that sound?” 

Bucky spoke around a mouth of cereal, somehow still managing to look flawless.

“Great, Buck. But Sam set me up on another date.” Steve said, sitting across from Bucky, pouring himself some cereal too.

“Sharon again? Someone new?” Bucky asked, eyes cast downwards. 

Steve shrugged. “Some guy Sam knows. Apparently he’s really chilled out.” 

Bucky’s hand paused, a spoonful of lucky charms frozen in midair on the way to his mouth. 

“Guy?” Bucky spluttered.

“Yeah. Why?” 

Steve was confused. He’d brought guys back to their apartment before. Hell, Bucky was bisexual himself, so he knew he had no problem with it.

“Since when did you like guys?” He asked, eyes wide.

Steve just laughed. “Wait, are you telling me that you had no idea?” 

Bucky just shook his head. “None.” 

“Why do you think Tony used to come round all the time?” 

“I thought you were good friends!” Bucky insisted. 

“You’re an idiot.” Steve chuckled. “I wasn’t even subtle about it.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Why didn’t you, I don’t know, properly tell me?” 

He shrugged. “Obviously I knew you wouldn’t have a Problem with it, other than that I thought you’d be able to work it out. Clearly not.” 

“Clearly.” 

They finished their cereal, chatting like they normally did. Steve’s revelation not being a big deal. He didn’t think he’d ever be over Bucky assuming he was straight. 

When Steve excused himself to go and meet his date, Bucky didn’t look up at him. Just grunted out a “good luck.” And kept his eyes on his cereal. 

Weird. 

———-

His date was a tall man with broad shoulders, named Thor. 

Steve never usually felt physically small, but next to this guy, he felt like an ant. 

Thor greeted him with a sturdy handshake. There was a golden retriever next to him, it’s tongue out, tail wagging.

“I’m Thor, it’s nice to meet you Steven.” They guy smiled brightly.

Nobody had ever called Steve ‘Steven’, but strangely, it didn’t sound out of place from Thor’s mouth.

“This is Heimdall.” He said, patting his dog’s head. “He’s a good boy, aren’t you?” 

Steve laughed. Thor looked like an intimidating guy, but seemed like a softy.

“Sam said you’re a nice guy. So I thought we could go to the dog park. What kind of nice guy doesn’t like dogs?” He said, almost daring Steve to disagree.

“I love dogs.” 

“Wonderful.”

They walked to the dog park, chatting non stop as they did. 

Sam was right. Thor was a laid back man with simple interests. They got on like a house on fire.

But Steve didn’t feel anything more than friendship and appreciation for the guy.

He was pretty sure it was mutual. As when they got to the dog park, Thor kept glancing towards a slim woman with a Pomeranian.

Steve decided to be the one to put it out there. 

“It’s not just me is it? That feels like there’s nothing between us?” He said, warily.

“I’m glad you’re the one to say it.” Thor acknowledged.

“It’s not weird to say I still want to be friends though is it? I like your dog too much to not see you again.” Steve said, reaching down to scratch behind Heimdall’s ears. 

“Of course!” Thor exclaimed. “Drinks one night this week?” 

Steve agreed. They exchanged numbers, with the arrangement to meet up in a few days. 

———-

Steve got home, finding Bucky with a bowl of chips, lounging on the couch.

“How was your date?” He asked, in between bites of food.

“Good. We’re going out for drinks in a few days. As friends though.” Steve felt the need to clarify.

Bucky nodded, holding out the chips in offering. 

Steve accepted and they spent the night, curled together on the sofa.

———

Steve hadn’t seen the winter soldier in a few days. They must’ve just missed each other.

He didn’t expect to come across him after drinks with Thor. 

They’d been walking back to Steve’s apartment, planning to have more drinks there. Thor was telling him about how he went back to the dog park, and got the Pomeranian owner’s number. She was called Jane and Thor was smitten.

They were a block away when Steve spotted the dark figure of a man leant against a wall. 

As he got closer he could make out the figure of the Winter Soldier’s metal arm. 

Instead of walking past, he stopped next to him. 

“Hey, do you remember me?” Okay Steve might be a bit tipsy, and talking to the Winter Soldier with a limited filter might not be the best idea. 

Hopefully Thor’s heavy arm around his shoulders would be enough to ground him.

“Of course.”

“So who are you? I know you know who I am. You called me Steve last time. I didn’t tell you my name.” Steve rambled.

“Get home Steve. You’re drunk.” He narrowed his eyes at him, before looking to Thor. “Get him home.” 

Thor nodded. “That’s where we were headed.” 

“Bye.” Steve mumbled as Thor pulled in towards his apartment.

“It was nice to meet you!” Thor shouted over his shoulder. 

He might’ve been imagining it, but he could’ve sworn that he saw a hint of a smile on the Winter Soldier’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can probably tell that this was a bit of a filler chapter, for which I apologise, but I hope the next one makes up for that.


	7. Figure it out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read the chapter title :)))

Bucky hadn’t expected to come across Steve, and a large blond man who must’ve been Thor, stumbling home during one of his breaks. 

Bucky had just basically been led on a wild goose chase by a bunch of teenage hooligans and he needed to catch his breath. 

He caught sight of them, almost immediately. Thor had a large arm over Steve’s shoulders and was clearly the more sober of the pair. 

Strangely, Bucky wasn’t jealous. Okay maybe he was a bit, but nowhere near as much as he was when Steve had dated women. He still hadn’t fully got used to the fact that Steve liked men. Because that was a lot to take in. 

Bucky’s entire reasoning for not telling Steve about his feelings had completely fallen through. Because Steve wasn’t straight. 

It was also hard to be jealous when Steve was looking at Thor the exact same way he looked at his other friends like Sam. Like they were old pals, with absolutely nothing more between them.

That was very reassuring.

Annoyingly though, drunk Steve was an adorable Steve. His eyes seemed to go wide at everything and he’d bite his lips subconsciously. 

Bucky tried to hide his smile until Steve was out of sight, but he was sure he saw it anyway.

————-

It had been a while since Bucky had seen Captain America. They hadn’t crossed paths at all in the past few days, and Bucky hated to admit it, but he missed his company. 

They got on, surprisingly well, when their past disputes and fights were shoved to one side. 

Hopefully they’d stay shoved to one side. 

Bucky was walking down an alley way, looking for any signs of trouble, when a familiar figure fell into step besides him.

“Hey, Cap.” 

“Been busy tonight?” He asked, voice low.

“Nope. It’s a weekday, it’s dead. I just needed to get out of my apartment for a few hours.” Bucky shrugged. 

“I hear you.” 

They walked in companionable silence for a few more minutes before Steve spoke up. 

“Any developments with a certain someone?” He asked eyebrows raised.

Because apparently he and Captain America were at the stage that they could talk about their desperate crushes on their best friends. 

“Nope.” 

Bucky could say yes. That would be the truth after all. But even though he’d only known Captain America as a friend for a short while, he knew he’d encourage Bucky to ask his friend out now that he knew Steve wasn’t straight. 

“How about you?” Bucky asked in reply.

“Same.” Captain America said, stopping to lean against on of the walls. “Unless you call a series of failed dates, which I only went on to try and get over him, development.” 

Bucky laughed. “I’ve accepted the fact that I’m never going to get over him. I don’t think I’ve been on a date in at least a year at this point.” 

Because Bucky had resigned himself to being desperately in love with Steve for the rest of his life. Every time he looked to his future, Steve was married, and Bucky would still be pining. 

“We’re a mess.” The Captain said. 

“You’re not wrong.” Bucky said, head resting against the cold wall besides Captain America.

There were a few beats of silence before Captain America spoke again. 

“So, you know how you said that you think that in different circumstances we could’ve fucked? We’re in different circumstances. We’re kind of even friends now.” His face grew redder with each word he spoke. 

And Bucky’s brain began to short circuit, because Captain America was propositioning him. 

Captain America was hot. He’d always known that. He resembled Steve in a slightly weird way, which only added to the attraction. 

But there’d never been anything even remotely romantic between them. 

Bucky thought it would be hard to have just sex with someone who he was becoming friends with. Especially considering they hated each other mere weeks ago.

But Bucky hadn’t had any in what must’ve been months. He’d always felt too guilty, despite the fact that he and Steve never were and never would be an item. 

Maybe there’d be less guilt involved in having sex with Captain America. They didn’t know each other, not really. Plus, when he was the Winter Soldier, he wasn’t really Bucky. It didn’t have to count. 

So Bucky smirked at Captain America, and ran with it. “Is Captain America trying to get me into bed?” 

He just snorted. “Considering I’m not taking you back to my place and I doubt you want to go back to yours, this alley is going to have to do.” 

He was right. They couldn’t go back to either of their places. That was too much information to give away. 

“I guess it will.” 

Bucky didn’t know who initiated it, but suddenly they were kissing. The Captain’s hand tangled in his hair and Bucky gripped his biceps. 

Bucky had had his lips on Captain America once before, but it felt electric for him to be kissing him back.

Thoughts of Steve kept coming to his mind, but he pushed them down. 

Captain America pulled back and tapped Bucky’s mask. “These stay on.” 

Bucky nodded in agreement, then leant back in. 

—————

Twenty minutes later, they sat on the dirty floor, heads resting against the wall behind them. 

“That was fun.” Captain America breathed. 

Bucky chuckled. “Yeah.” He thought for a moment. “Why?”

The Captain narrowed his eyes in question. “Why what?” 

“Why this?” Bucky gestured between them. 

He shrugged. “I need to get over him somehow.” Referring to his best friend. “Dating isn’t working, maybe casual sex will.” 

Bucky shrugged. “Fair enough.” 

Captain America sighed. “He kissed me once, you know?” 

Bucky choked out a laugh. “Why are you here with me if he kissed you?” 

“Because he didn’t kiss me.” He smiled sadly. “He kissed Captain America.”

And Bucky’s breath caught in his throat. Because Bucky had kissed Captain America. But loads of people had to kiss Captain America, given the opportunity.

Captain America continued. 

“I’d just been on a date.”

Steve had been on a date that night.

“Then I got called out to a disturbance. It was my friend. He was drunk.”

Bucky had been drunk that night.

“Then he kissed me.”

Bucky couldn’t breath. Or think. 

Steve was Captain America. 

He had to run over everything, multiple times, making sure he wasn’t putting two and two together only to get five. 

Bucky had kissed Captain America. Captain America was describing that kiss as a kiss with his best friend. Steve was Bucky’s best friend. 

He couldn’t think properly. Because Steve was in love with him. But Steve was also Captain America. 

Steve had lied to him, for years. 

And oh god-

All those bruises and cuts that Steve had stumbled home with-

That was down to Bucky. 

Bucky had also just had sex with his best friend. They didn’t even know who each other were. 

How did he not figure it out. How many times had he compared Steve and Captain America, how similar they were. 

It was all because they were the same person. 

“Pal?” Captain America’s voice, or should he say Steve’s voice, pulled him out of his thoughts. 

“Got to go.” Bucky mumbled. 

“You okay?” Steve asked, genuinely concerned. 

“Fine.” 

Bucky got up and walked away, wiping his eyes, ignoring Steve’s calls after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I skipped out on writing smut because I’m a lesbian with no knowledge of the anatomy of a penis


	8. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of introspection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I’m so sorry that I didn’t post yesterday, I really wasn’t in a good mentality for writing.
> 
> Also I’m sorry for this being so short!! I probably could lump this in the next chapter but that would mean this work would be 9 chapters long and odd numbers stress me out.

Steve was so confused. 

He had to stay in the alley for a few minutes, regaining his thoughts, before he stood up. 

He’d just had some of the best sex of his life with the Winter Soldier. 

They had a weird relationship, to say in the least, but their entire friendship was built off of their love for their respective best friends. 

So why was the Winter Soldier only suddenly being weird with him as he mentioned his kiss with Bucky? 

His mind was doing over time. 

But maybe the Winter Soldier genuinely had somewhere to be, and Steve hadn’t actually done anything wrong. 

He doubted it. 

Steve slowly trudged home, shedding his uniform along the way, hiding it behind a dumpster.

He expected to get home to Bucky lounging on the couch, watching some overly edited Sci-Fi film, drowning in popcorn. Instead he opened the door to an eerily quiet apartment.

He could tell something was wrong the second he opened the door. The apartment felt empty. 

Bucky’s shoes were gone from where they were usually scattered around the entrance. 

“Buck?” Steve shouted.

No reply. 

He walked into the lounge only to find it empty, all of Bucky’s stuff gone. All of the stuff that made it their home. 

Steve’s initial reaction was that they’d been robbed. But no one would have found value in the raggedy pillows that Bucky’s sister had given them as a house warming present, or the numerous boxes of overly sweet cereal that Steve complained made their teeth rot. 

Only Bucky would have taken those things. 

He poked his head into Bucky’s room. Most of his stuff was gone, empty draws strewn around the floor. 

Steve sighed. What was going on? 

First the Winter Soldier acting weird, now Bucky leaving? 

He couldn’t help but think they might be related. 

He couldn’t say he hadn’t entertained the idea before. Bucky and the Winter Soldier did share some physical qualities, but that was the extent of their similarities. Bucky was much softer than the Winter Soldier, it’s why he’d dismissed the idea as soon as it came to mind. 

But it would make sense. 

The Winter Soldier’s reaction to Steve saying Bucky had kissed him, Bucky suddenly upping and leaving. 

If it was true it meant Bucky knew exactly how he felt. But it also meant Bucky felt the same. He didn’t linger on that thought though, because Bucky was gone. Even though they felt the same, the knowledge that Steve was Captain America was enough to send Bucky running.

If it was true, it also meant that he and Bucky had had sex. In a back alley. 

Not that he’d let himself indulge in thinking what sex with Bucky would be like, but he definitely thought it would be more special. If it was to ever happen. Which it had apparently. 

If Steve had anymore doubts about Bucky being the Winter Soldier, they were quashed by the note on the fridge.

‘Gone to Nat’s. Won’t be coming back, Cap. 

-Bucky.’

Steve rested his head against the cold surface of the fridge. 

Knowing that he and Bucky had inadvertently been enemies for years wasn’t enough for him to want to run. But it clearly was for Bucky. 

He understood. There was years worth of hostility built up between them, but all he could focus on was that Bucky loved him too. 

He needed to talk to Bucky. They needed to talk about everything. God, there was so much for them to talk about.

He called Nat first. He needed to know if Bucky was okay. And if he could go over without receiving a metal arm to the face. 

(He set himself a mental note to ask about where the hell Bucky got a metal arm from.)

Nat answered with a sigh. “Steve.”

“I didn’t know.” He felt the need to justify.

“Neither did he. Just give him some time to get used to the idea. It’s a lot to process.”

“I know. Just tell him I’m sorry. If he’ll listen.” Steve rubbed his face in frustration. 

“Tell him yourself.” 

There was some shuffling on the other end of the line. Steve didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t had time to prepare himself to actually talk to Bucky.

“Hello.” A gruff voice echoed in his ear.

“Hey.” He said softly.

Steve could hear Bucky’s breathing get heavier. 

“I don’t-“ 

Steve could hear the uncertainty in Bucky’s voice.

“I just want you to know that nothing’s changed for me. Okay? You know how I feel. Captain America and the Winter Soldier don’t change any of that. I just want you to know that for when you’re ready to talk.” Steve rushed out. 

“Okay,” Bucky hesitated. “I’ll drop by tomorrow.” 

Steve let out a sigh of relief. “Okay. That’s good.” 

There was a moment of tension and Steve expected Bucky to say more, but the phone was passed back to Natasha. 

“Don’t fuck it up, Rogers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a completely unrelated note, I would 10/10 go straight for Sebastian Stan.


	9. Rollercoaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of an odd time to be posting, I’m aware. anyway, here you gooo

Bucky knew he had to face Steve eventually. 

But he knew it was going to be hard. He didn’t know if he’d look at Steve and only see Captain America. If he’d only see Captain America’s stoic face as he pulled Bucky off yet another criminal. Or Captain America hunched over after taking a significant hit from Bucky’s metal arm. 

Because that wasn’t captain America, that was Steve. 

All those faded scars that Bucky thought Steve had gained from random scuffles in the street were down to Bucky. And if Bucky wasn’t so hurt at being lied to, he’d be drowning in guilt. 

Because he’d hurt Steve. 

He knew it was hypocritical of him, to be upset with Steve for the lies. Bucky had lied too. But Steve had never kissed him. He’d never had a reason to. 

Bucky would have thought Steve would’ve told him about his identity after that kiss. Then everything would have been over and sorted much faster.

And they never would have had their first time together down a dirty alleyway, unaware of each other’s identities.

Bucky didn’t bother packing his stuff to take back when he left Nat’s. He didn’t know how their discussion was going to go. He didn’t know if he’d want to go back yet. 

He didn’t want to be on bad terms with Steve forever. He didn’t want to be on bad terms with Steve at all, but there was so much to take in and sort through, that they couldn’t possibly be okay so soon. 

He knew Steve felt the same about him though, and that was something. But he couldn’t help feel like it caused more problems. After everything was sorted would he and Steve stay friends? Become more? 

Because it was going to get sorted. Bucky might’ve been hurting, but there was nothing more important to him than Steve. He wasn’t going to loose Steve, as a friend or otherwise, over something like this. It might take time, but Bucky was willing to be patient. 

He left Nat’s apartment while she was at work. He couldn’t deal with the pep talk he knew that she’d force down his throat. 

He walked over to his and Steve’s apartment, considering turning back multiple times. 

He knew that Steve was willing to talk, to listen. He’d even said that his feelings hadn’t changed. But Bucky was scared. He didn’t want to loose Steve, but he was angry, he knew there was a very real possibility of him saying something he’d regret. 

He got to the door and didn’t know wether to knock or use his key. It was his apartment as well, after all. But it just didn’t feel right to walk in.

He settled on knocking, only to consider bolting a moment later. 

Steve opened the door, still rugged from sleep. He was in his pyjamas, bed head and dark circles under his eyes to match. 

“Hey,” Steve said, voice gravelly and quiet. “Come in.”

Steve opened the door and Bucky stepped inside. He didn’t know wether to take his shoes off or not. So he didn’t. 

“Do you want some coffee?” 

Bucky just shook his head, looking around the apartment. He hadn’t been looking at what he was grabbing when he left, but without his stuff, the apartment looked empty. 

There were only Steve’s comics and CDs scattered around, nothing of Bucky’s. It made it look less like their home. 

Sure, it still looked cluttered and lived in, but it only looked like Steve’s. Which was weird. It’s been a while since they were Steve and Bucky, rather than SteveandBucky.

Steve looked nervous. Bucky realised he hadn’t spoke yet. He didn’t know what to say. So he settled with taking a seat at their kitchen island.

“So you’re Captain America.”

Steve laughed slightly, running a hand through his hair. “And you’re the Winter Soldier.” 

Bucky just nodded, struggling to look Steve in the eye. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked.

Steve shrugged. “I didn’t want you to worry. I didn’t think you’d take to kindly to me actively seeking out trouble.” 

Bucky just shook his head. “I know why, we’re in the same position. But why didn’t you tell me after I kissed you?” 

Steve looked up at him, and shrugged. “I guess I was scared that you’d not see me anymore, just Captain America. It was Captain America you kissed after all. Not me.”

Bucky ground his teeth slightly. “I only did that because of your date with Sharon. I was wallowing in self pity and didn’t want to be alone.” 

Steve opened his mouth to speak again, but Bucky interrupted. 

“And did you honestly think I’d be so shallow? That I wouldn’t see you for you anymore?” 

Steve at least had the decency to look ashamed. 

“I don’t know.” His eyes focused on the table. “Everybody changed their minds about me when I went from skinny to this,” Steve gestured at himself. “I don’t want people to change their opinions of me because I’m captain America either.” 

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “Was I one of those people?” 

Steve shook his head.

“No! Exactly. So why would you think I would because of this.” Bucky’s voice was gaining volume.

“I don’t know.”

Bucky took a breath. 

“I’m sorry.” Steve mumbled. 

“Don’t be. We both fucked up.” Bucky sighed.

“How did you fuck up as much as me, Buck?” 

Bucky rubbed his eyes. “Every time you came home, bloody and bruised, that was down to me.”

“You didn’t know.” Steve protested. 

“It doesn’t matter. You never hit back, not as much as you were capable of, at least. And you didn’t know either.” He argued. 

“It doesn’t matter now Buck, we were becoming friends anyway, weren’t we? Captain America and the Winter Soldier, I mean. I forgave him for everything a while ago, I forgive you too.” 

Steve reached across the island and hesitantly took Bucky’s hand. 

“I still feel bad.” 

“Don’t.” 

They were silent for a minute, Steve rubbing Bucky’s knuckles. 

“We can fix this right?” He almost whispered.

“I don’t know,” Bucky said. Steve’s shoulders sunk. “But I want to.”

Steve smiled in response.

“I meant it all. What I said to you. When I was the Winter Soldier and you were Captain America.” Bucky braved. 

“Me too.” Steve’s grin grew wider. 

“This doesn’t change anything for me either.” 

Steve leant over the island and cradled Bucky’s face in his palms, eyes wide in question. Bucky answered by leaning in, pressing their lips together in a chaste kiss. 

They’d kissed before, but never with both of them knowing who it was they were kissing. Despite the fact that it was short and closed lipped, it felt special. Like a fresh start. Like forgiveness.

Steve pulled back, smiling. Bucky smiled back.

Steve furrowed his brow. “Where’d you get the arm anyway?”

Bucky just laughed, walking around the island and pulling Steve’s lips to his.

————

They were lounging on their couch later that day when Steve turned to Bucky, twisting in his arms.

“Are you coming back? With your stuff, I mean.” 

Bucky had only just opened his mouth to reply when Steve started speaking again. 

“No pressure, I understand if you need time-“ 

Bucky shut him up with his mouth on his. They’d been kissing all day. But it felt to same every damn time their lips met.

“We don’t need more time. We’ve wasted enough already.” Bucky grumbled.

Steve nodded. “If you’re still upset though-“ 

“I’m not going to lie, Stevie, I’m not over it, but as long as we talk and try to understand each others position, we’ll be okay, eventually. Okay?” 

Steve nodded again.

“Good. Because I’m not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I watched Deadpool 2 today And it was pretTy good


	10. Turning page

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight delay! I’ve been pretty busy the last couple of days, but here we are, I’m finally finished. I hope you all think this is a reasonable ending and enjoy it!
> 
> (Also I wrote this at about 3am so there’s bound to be mistakes, feel free to point them out.)

—————Five months later————-

Bucky had taken to wearing his metal arm around the apartment. It had taken a lot of convincing from Steve to stop him going through the complicated process of removing it.

“I know now Bucky, what does it matter? There’s no point in all this.” Steve had said, gesturing at what Bucky was doing. 

It had taken them a while to get to the point where they could go out, as their alter egos together. It was hard, for Steve, seeing Bucky as the Winter Soldier, but also trying to separate the actions of them both.

They eased into their relationship too, mostly just sticking to spooning on the couch. Until one night when Bucky had been particularly needy. 

“I’m sick of waiting.” He’d complained, and Steve didn’t think twice.

Their first night spent together as the Winter Soldier and Captain America was slightly strained. Bucky still had some of his hostile energy and Steve was working over time to reassure Bucky (but also himself) that everything was okay. 

Eventually they got used to it, and fell into a routine of splitting up, meeting points and check in times. It became easy, almost second nature. 

Bucky predicted the press would have a field day, when they realised they were, not only putting up with each other, but working together. He was right.

He was also right when he predicted the precinct would be none too happy with Steve for working with the Winter Soldier. Steve warmed them up to the idea eventually. He always managed to get his own way somehow. 

Despite the slow, yet natural transition into their partnership, Bucky still refused to wear his arm post shift. 

Instead he chose to go through the complicated process of attachment and detachment every time they went out. 

“Buck, just leave it on. There’s nothing to hide anymore.” 

“The arm isn’t a part of me, Stevie. It’s a part of the Winter Soldier.” He’d just grunted. Then quieter, “I hurt people, I hurt you with it.” 

“It doesn’t have to be like that all the time, pal. Just leave it on. For a day. If you’re not a fan of how it feels, fine. I just don’t like all this hassle at-“ Steve checked his watch. “Two in the morning.” 

Bucky looked up at him, took a sigh of defeat. “One day.” 

Bucky still went without it sometimes, and could cope perfectly fine with one arm, but he didn’t mind so much, and understood the convenience of leaving it as it was. 

The extra time in the evenings didn’t hurt either. 

Despite how easy things felt, they still bickered.

Surprisingly, though, not so much about their vigilante aliases.

Steve had announced one morning that he was going out for coffee with Sharon and that he wouldn’t be long. He then immediately noticed Bucky’s sour look. 

“What’s that for?” He frowned. 

“Nothing.” Bucky shrugged.

“It’s something.” 

Bucky just shrugged again. 

“Talk to me, Buck. We have to talk.” 

“You went on a date with her.” Bucky said, staring into his tea. 

“I literally said we were good for each other as friends on the very night of that date.” 

“I know that, Steve. I can’t help but be jealous though, can I?” Bucky protested.

“You never get jealous of Thor. I dated him.” Steve stated.

“I know, Steve. I don’t know why. I guess I’m just not used to you liking guys. Still.” 

“You’re literally my boyfriend!” Steve exclaimed.

“Boyfriend?” Bucky smirked.

Steve clamped his mouth shut. They hadn’t used labels yet. At that point they’d only been doing, whatever it is they’d been doing for a matter of weeks. 

“I like the sound of that.” Bucky said, stepping closer. “A label might make me a bit less jealous.” 

“Yeah?” Steve breathed.” 

“Yeah.” 

Bucky had taken Steve by the collar, tea dumped to side, left to get cold. It was needless to say that Steve was late for his coffee with Sharon.

——

They were sat on the edge of a roof one night, taking a much needed break, when Bucky spoke. 

“We should go to pride.” 

“We’ve been to pride every year since you came out.” Steve said, taking a swig of water.

“No,” Bucky grinned. “We should go to pride.” And he gestured between them at their get-ups.

Steve barked out a laugh. “Can you imagine?” 

“It’d be fun. Wouldn’t mind rubbing it in some people’s faces that Brooklyn’s mightiest heroes are queer either.” 

———

That’s how Steve had ended up walking through the streets of Brooklyn with a rainbow flag wrapped around his neck like a makeshift cape, Bucky at his side, arm painted in an array of colours by some young girls at a stall, hand in hand. 

He could feel every person we walked past do a double take, whispers of “Is that-?” Echoing around them. 

Even the protesters fell quiet upon their passing, which Steve couldn’t help but be smug about. 

Bucky rarely looked soft in public. He was capable of it, sure, usually unconsciously though. But with his arm covered in swirls and splatters and his cheeks painted with stripes of purple, pink and blue, he looked younger, more alive. More soft.

He hoped the decoration of Bucky’s arm would further prove to him that it didn’t just have to be a weapon. 

———

Despite their limited arguments about their alter egos, they did still happen. 

They’d been to a bar, and were moderately drunk, leaning on each other in their journey home for support. 

They’d ended up slightly tucked into a back alley, not a block from home, 

Bucky was kissing his way up Steve’s neck, pushing him into the wall. “Need you. Now.” He’d panted. 

Then some guy, he couldn’t have been taller than Bucky by much more than a couple of inches, pulled him back, spitting “fucking fags,” into his ear.

It wasn’t particularly creative, nor very insulting considering the recent reclaiming of the word, but Bucky saw red. 

He could take the guy out with only one arm, even in his drunken state. Steve helped wrestle the guy to the ground, even punched him a couple of times to keep him down. It was self defence. 

But Bucky couldn’t stop there. He began kicking, and kicking and couldn’t stop. 

“Lets go, Buck.” Steve put his hand on his shoulder, tugging him slightly. 

“No, he deserves it.” Bucky wheezed. 

“Bucky.” Steve ground out, pulling him harder. 

“Are you actually trying to pull a captain America on me? You’re not supposed to be him right now Stevie.” Bucky all but shouted. 

“Then maybe you should stop acting like the damn Winter Soldier and show some restraint.” 

Bucky at least had the gall to look slightly ashamed. 

But Steve had to keep pushing, he’d blame it on his lack of filter later. “Don’t pin the hurt you cause on the arm when you can do this-“ Steve gestured to the man on the floor. “Without it.” 

Bucky clenched his jaw. “Thanks, Cap.”

Steve knew he’d said the wrong thing before he said it. He just couldn’t bite his tongue. 

Bucky had stormed off down the street and Steve knew better to call after him so soon after a fight. So he took a longer route home and planned to sleep on the couch. 

He got an overwhelming feeling of dread when he entered the apartment. All he could think was not again. 

None of Bucky’s stuff was gone, or moved. So he hadn’t been back to the flat. 

Steve could appreciate Bucky’s need for space, but he also needed to know if he was okay. That he was safe. 

So he called and called. Left voicemail after voicemail. Steve got nothing back. 

He stayed up on the couch, waiting for Bucky to come back. But he didn’t and exhaustion won out. 

Bucky came home in the early hours of the morning, when the sun began peaking through the blinds. 

Steve immediately jerked up, making eye contact with what appeared to be an extremely hungover Bucky.

“Food first, talk later.” He grunted. Steve nodded in agreement. 

They spoke. Steve apologised for his comments. Bucky apologised for his impulsiveness. They agreed to be better. 

They also got on with a lot of make up sex, which if you asked Steve, almost made the whole thing worth it. 

————

“I’ve been thinking of retiring the Captain America costume.” Steve said one night, feet resting in Bucky’s lap. 

Bucky looked intrigued. “Really? Why?” 

Steve shrugged. “Feels like more responsibility than its worth. I still want to do what we do, just with less expectations.” 

Bucky nodded. “If it’s what you’re going to do, I’m in.” 

Steve grinned. “Thank god, that mask drives me crazy.” 

“You’re one to talk.” Bucky replied, slapping Steve’s chest.

Steve just laughed, catching his arm and pulling him in for a kiss.


End file.
